Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
