I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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