so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
