Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dear god my vagina.
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