so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
