I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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