Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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