there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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