I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
