Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
