please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i out mim tonsoeep
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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