lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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