Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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