Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
