This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
