i just wanna soil my oats bro
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
