hotel room ftw
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
