i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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