If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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