We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
