The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
