I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
