Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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