Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
