you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
