My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
