so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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