is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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