i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
