when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
