Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
