I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
