I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
