My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
