There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
