I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
