it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
