I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
