THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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