I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
