dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
