I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
