you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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