remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
