weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
