He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
