Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
