We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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