giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
