you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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