Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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