Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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