i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
