defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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