I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and she was petting her beer can
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My bed smells like the plague
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
