he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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