Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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