I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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