she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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