He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
