you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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