apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
