Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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