since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
