ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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