hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize