i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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