the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
