What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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