i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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