I skipped work to stalk him.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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