She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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