Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
