We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
