Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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