Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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