there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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