you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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