Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
