I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
