Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
