And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
